Achieving Work/Life Balance

Often when I approach people to discuss work/life balance, I lead with a simple question: In your mind, what is the definition of work life balance? A majority of the people normally answer with a very similar variation of “simply the balance between your working life and your home/personal life.” Okay, not exactly a brain teaser question. I then ask a second question: What are particular steps you take in creating work/life balance? They often initially respond with a stare, but then ponder and commonly answer, “Well, just create a balance between the two.” My point is that people understand what it is, and why it is important, but are not clear on some actual steps they can use to develop a firm, quality work/life balance. Saying “just create a balance between the two” is not the right answer because it is not as simple as that.

There are several ways in which your working life can impose on your home/personal life, such as by working overtime or by bringing the fallout of a taxing work day home to your family. If your balance is off, you may find that you dislike your work, and therefore cannot unwind when you get home, making you resent your job even greater. If you are like the majority of us, you are trying to find a better work/life balance, but are unsure of where to begin. Here are some tips to start you on your way.

Figure Out What Really Matters

Obviously, this thought process does not happen overnight. Take some time and develop your priorities. Ask yourself these questions:

1. If I could only center my attention to one thing in my life, what would it be?
2. If the opportunity exists to add a second item, what would I decide?
3. Now, if I can add a third item, it would be?
4. Number four?
5. Number five?

Some examples people may choose include: Family, Satisfying Career, Health, Hobbies, Traveling, Sports, Television, Community Service, Religion, etc.

Drop Unnecessary Activities

By making a solid list of what the actual priorities in your life are, you may discover that you are devoting way too much time to activities that are not on your list. Adjust your schedule and drop the commitments that do not relate to your top 5 priorities.

Allow me to create an analogy so you may visualize the effects of what this did for me. Most people have “catch all” places within their household. Usually it is a closet or two, sometimes it is a garage, or maybe a basement. Whenever they clean up or want to store something away, they normally put that “stuff” in those “catch all” places. After a few years of this continued practice, they are left saying to themselves, “I have no room for anything.” All this “stuff” has built up over the years, and it all seems to be in their closets and/or garage. So they plan some spring cleaning. They rip apart their closets, their garage. They throw away a bunch of “stuff” and organize their belongings. By the time they are done, they are usually left with closets that are empty, or a garage that has barely anything in it, so they can once again park their cars in there.

By focusing on what I really needed in my life and dropping unnecessary activities that did not fit with my priorities, I “cleaned out my closets”, “cleaned out my garage”, and threw out all this extra “stuff” that I did not need any longer. By doing that, I realized how much more important “stuff” I can fit into my life. My plate or “closet” went from overflowing to only being 30% full. I was then able to take on all these dreams and new challenges I always wanted to pursue.

So for the people that say “I cannot take on anymore, my plate is full”, I recommend the two previous steps to see what old “stuff” you can get rid of, or at least organize more effectively. You will be amazed at how much more room you have and how many new things you can take on to fulfill your dreams, both personally and professionally. Once you have completed these steps, you may be able to add #6 to your list, or use the extra time to spend balancing out the time you spend in your personal life with the time you spend in your professional life. And your list does not have to be concrete. Your priorities will change throughout your life. That’s okay. When they do, take the time and repeat these two steps. This will allow you to plan effectively to maintain your balance.

Guard Personal/Professional Moments

By creating a clear line in the sand between your professional and personal life, you will have a clear signal in your mind on what to protect. Protect the time you have at work, and protect the time you have at home. Feel eager to arrive at work in the morning, and feel equally eager to return home at the end of the day. The goal is to be fully engaged in all aspects of your life. While at your place of employment, your focus should be on the challenges in front of you, your tasks, and your professional development. While outside of work, your complete focus needs to be on the personal items on your priority list. For example, if you are attending your child’s soccer game, you should be there to support him/her. You should not sit on the sidelines typing away on your blackberry or laptop or discussing operations on your cell phone. By doing this, not only are you setting a poor example for your child, but your spouse may also not appreciate it, leading to tension. You would not be either fully engaged in your work at that time, nor on your child’s soccer game. Therefore, you would be losing all battles. If you want quality of life – an enjoyable work life, personal/professional development, health and fitness, time to tour the world, time to spend with your family and friends, etc. – you must protect your time to make this possible.

Accept Help

Internal and External Mentors can help you develop your work/life balance by offering their experiences, coaching, and validation. They can teach you how to delegate work, as well as offer advice on how to team up on projects so you do not carry the entire load on you shoulders. Family members can offer advice on their experiences. Rely on this, it can be influential.

With regards to the mentorship, allow me to share with you where a lot of people fail and do not benefit from the mentorship. When a good portion of people seek out mentors, they pick out a few people that are exactly like themselves, who turn out to be more like friends than mentors. That is okay for one of your mentors, but you really should have at least three, and none of the three should be exactly alike. One should share your strengths, acting as your cheerleader of sorts as you accomplish new stepping stones. He/She should help coach you along, motivate you, and be a person you can brag to about your accomplishments. For example, in my life, I have people I call when I accomplish something, and they congratulate me and cheer me on. This feels good, and keeps me motivated.

Mentor #2 is one who can help you develop certain weaknesses you may have, as well as help you navigate up the development ladder. This person is important because they can give you feedback containing ways to improve and share with you an image that other business folks may have of you, which often differs from the image you have of yourself. By correcting those things and accepting this type of feedback, you can help close the gap between those two images. For example, in my life, I have a list of people that when I do talk to them or share an accomplishment with them, they give me some advice/recommendations, or tell me I overlooked this/that. This does not feel so good immediately, but it keeps me focused and grounded. Once I correct those things, I feel much better and do not make those mistakes again.

Mentor #3 should be external from your organization. This is a person who has a broader perspective on development and does not work within your company. This is someone who is usually more experienced and well networked. If they are in tap with things that are occurring everyday out there in the business world, they can share these with you. They can help introduce new ideas on how to succeed. They will serve like your career compass and will help direct you along a path you may have never considered. Fore example, in my life, I have several Mentors that fit in this group. They are always out there hearing about new opportunities and sharing them with me. This has been instrumental in my development.

Avoid Over-Scheduling

Unscheduled appointments, emergencies, and last minute tasks are realities, and planning for those by not over-scheduling yourself is an important step. Life rarely goes exactly to plan. Seldom are you able to accomplish 100% of what you planned to accomplish for the day. Count on only accomplishing 30-50% due to the realities in your life. When you do not plan for those, and you get behind, you tend to treat everything as an emergency, which will leave you drained and unengaged. This is important in time management. For example, most of my career was spent as an executive assistant to high ranking officials, where I basically ran the professional day to day agenda for them. I maintained their calendars and scheduled all of their meetings. The executives who wanted their day blocked full of meetings, one after another for the entire duration, usually failed in keeping their commitments. This led to poor image for both the person and the company they represented. Total lack of civility! The executives who scheduled meetings spaced throughout the day were able to keep their commitments and stay on schedule. They allowed time to take care of the “realities” that come with day to day business. Those leaders were much more effective in day to day operations. I have molded that thought process into my own personal and professional life. My wife and I have a 17 month-old child, with another on the way. I know that I need to plan for some “unexpected events” – my child having to stay home sick, my wife’s upcoming medical appointments, my medical appointments, car trouble, etc. If I do not plan my day in this matter, I will waste plenty of valuable time trying to figure out why things did not get accomplished. I will then try to spend the next day attempting to catch up, treating everything as an emergency, and still fail, all while being left worn out and disengaged. Do not overbook yourself; plan for the realities that you will face in your day.

Again, there is a difference between knowing what work/life balance is and understanding how it can help you, why it is important, and specific ways you can accomplish it. Take some time and make a list of your priorities, and rid yourself of the activities that are not involved with meeting your personal and professional goals. Protect your time, accept help, and plan for the realities in life by not over-scheduling yourself. If you do, you may begin to feel more content, more in control, and like you are maintaining your commitments. You will have more balance in your life, you will learn from past experiences, and you will have a positive image of your expectations.